you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
