this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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