remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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