if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
