She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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