He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize