you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
