Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
