I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
