I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
