Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
