Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
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