the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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