we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
