he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I want you more than these girls want KFC
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
