i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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