I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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