If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i think im in europe. pls send help
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
