I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Houston, we have a blender
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
