Christians are straight up FREAKS
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize