you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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