My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize