chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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