haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
