he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize