Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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