guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
