dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
