in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
no more duck duck goose at the bar
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
