All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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