the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
