I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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