I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
