I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
