i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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