Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
