i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
