I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
