You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize