watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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