can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
