What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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