Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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