Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
