i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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