no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
