i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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