Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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