Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I need water and some morals
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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