I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
