hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Never joke about your clitoris.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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