smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
