I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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