I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
