You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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