she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
