I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
