i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
