just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
