a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
