just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We had sex on a dog bed..
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
