Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
