I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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