eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
