my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
