She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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