And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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