Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
