I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
