Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize