You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
