taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
