she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
