I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
