Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
