Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
