You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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