Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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