Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
