you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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