i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
