Can i not drive my cunt home
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
