If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize