I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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