Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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