I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
