How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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