I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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