I just made out with a guy for $7.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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