if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i now understand why vodka
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
