i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
