i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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