Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
