this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
