I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
