there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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