I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
