come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
