i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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