loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
im six kinds of drunk right now
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
