I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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