I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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