Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
