I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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