they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Someone signed my nipple.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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