her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
